Our Life on the Funny Pages

First the good news: We surpassed our earnings estimates for last quarter! HA! I told all you nimrods who thought adding machines, easels with posterboard, and midlevel employees with large offices were "out of place in a 21st Century workplace." Suckers! Spending all that extra money on "laptops," "cubicles," and "PowerPoint" got you what, exactly? That's right - not meeting your earnings estimates. Meanwhile, here at J.C. Dithers Corp., we are getting along just fine, thank you very much. So you can keep your raspberries, or boysenberries, or whatever the hell it is you all have these days. We're doing just fine.

That said, it looks like Bumstead may have some bad news to share. I guess that's why he's praying. Or, maybe he's just praying that when considering what to do with our surplus I give him a raise! HA HA HA! Not in a million years, Bumstead.

Really, I have no idea what he means when he says "I'll be at my desk praying." I guess it's one of the two options mentioned above (that he needs God's help on some bad news OR he is praying for a raise). Don't you think he should have been a little more clear? Now I'm just left wondering. If it is bad news, shouldn't he just try to fix it on his own? What is sitting on his duff going to do about it?

And he wonders why I never give him a raise. Here's a clue, Bumstead: don't say nonsensical and ambiguous things to your boss.